Lessons from Urs Koenig on building trust, accountability, and high performance through mentoring.
When Urs Koenig speaks about leadership, it does not come from theory alone. His perspective has been shaped in environments where performance matters, where stakes are high, and where trust is not optional. From NATO peacekeeping missions to executive coaching, one theme runs consistently through his work. Leadership is not about authority. It is about how you show up with people.
In a recent Mentoring Unlocked conversation with Maud Lindley, Urs shared a practical, grounded view of leadership that challenges some common assumptions. At the centre of it is a simple idea. Strong leadership is both demanding and human. It is about delivering results while building genuine connection.
And importantly, it is a skill that can be developed.
Leadership is Built on Relationships First
One of the most powerful insights from Urs’ experience in peacekeeping missions is that even in highly structured, command-driven environments, people do not perform simply because they are told to. They perform when there is trust.
Urs shared a moment where his commander gave him direct, uncompromising feedback. The message was clear; the standard was not being met. But what made it land was the relationship behind it. There was care, context, and a genuine investment in his growth.
This balance is what many leaders struggle to get right. Being clear on expectations while also showing that you value the person behind the work.
When that balance is in place, accountability becomes easier. Feedback becomes constructive rather than defensive. Performance improves because people are invested, not just compliant.
Vulnerability is a Performance Enabler
There is often hesitation when it comes to vulnerability in leadership. Many still associate it with weakness or uncertainty. Urs reframes this completely.
Used well, vulnerability is a tool for building trust quickly. Not through oversharing, but through showing that you are actively working on your own growth.
He describes it in three simple steps:
- Share a meaningful development goal
- Be honest about where you are today
- Be clear on what you are doing to improve
This approach signals something important to your team. You are not operating from a position of perfection. You are committed to getting better.
That creates permission for others to do the same.
In mentoring conversations, this becomes particularly powerful. When mentors model growth, it shifts the dynamic from advice-giving to shared development.
Not Every Environment Makes This Easy
An important nuance raised in the conversation is that context matters.
Not every organisation is immediately ready for leaders to show vulnerability. Cultural expectations, power dynamics, and representation all play a role in how leadership behaviours are received.
So what can leaders and mentors do in those situations?
Focus on what you can control.
Urs highlights the idea of creating a “pocket of leadership excellence” within your own team. Even if the broader organisation is not there yet, you can build a culture of trust, accountability, and open dialogue in your immediate environment.
This is often how change starts. Not through top-down mandates, but through consistent, visible examples of what good leadership looks like in practice.
Mentoring as a Discipline of Ongoing Learning
Throughout the conversation, one theme stood out clearly. Mentoring is not a one-way transfer of knowledge. It is a shared commitment to growth.
Urs spoke about the impact of both positive and negative role models in his life. Some showed him what strong leadership looks like. Others taught him what happens when leaders lack self-awareness, consistency, and credibility.
He also reflected on how much he has learned from the people he has coached. Their willingness to change, take accountability, and do the hard work of growth reinforced one of his core beliefs: with the right process and mindset, meaningful change is possible.
For HR leaders designing mentoring programs, this is an important reminder. The best mentoring relationships create development on both sides. They build reflection, sharpen leadership judgment, and strengthen the capability to have better conversations.
The Question Leaders Avoid (But Shouldn’t)
At the end of the conversation, Urs offered one clear recommendation for leaders and mentors.
It is simple, practical, and it is often avoided.
Ask for feedback from you mentees, and from your team. Not once a year. Not only in formal reviews. But consistently, at the end of conversations.
- What worked well for you in this discussion?
- What could I do differently to better support you?
This habit does two things. First, it builds self-awareness. You get real-time insight into how your leadership is landing. Second, it signals openness. It shows your team or mentee that their perspective matters.
So why don’t more leaders do it?
Because it requires courage. There is always a risk that the feedback might be uncomfortable. But this is exactly where growth happens.
For mentors, this is especially important. If mentoring is about helping others develop, then the mentor must also be willing to evolve. Asking for feedback keeps the relationship dynamic and relevant.
A Simple Reflection for Leaders
Urs also shared a statement that is worth sitting with.
If you do not genuinely enjoy seeing others succeed, leadership may not be the right path.
It is a direct way of reframing what leadership actually involves. It is not about status or progression. It is about investing in others.
For many leaders, this is where the shift needs to happen. Moving from individual achievement to collective success.
Bringing This Into Your Organisation
For organisations focused on building stronger leadership pipelines, these insights have practical implications.
Mentoring programs need to go beyond matching people and setting goals. They need to create space for:
- Honest reflection
- Regular feedback
- Real conversations about performance and growth
This is where platforms like MentorKey play a role. By embedding self-reflection prompts into mentoring conversations, organisations can ensure these moments are not left to chance. They become part of the process.
Because ultimately, leadership development is not built in one-off workshops. It is built through consistent, high-quality conversations and self-awareness in your day-to-day practice.
Final Thought
There is no shortage of leadership frameworks. What often gets missed are the small, repeatable behaviours that actually shape how leaders grow.
Asking for feedback is one of them. It is simple. It is uncomfortable. And it is one of the fastest ways to build trust, improve performance, and strengthen mentoring relationships.
The question is not whether it works. The question is whether leaders are willing to ask. If you are designing mentoring programs or looking to strengthen leadership capability across your organisation, it is worth asking:
Are your leaders building this habit consistently? Because that is where real development starts.
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Watch the full conversation between Maud Lindley and Urs Koenig.
